Maybe I Need Something to Look Foreward To

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So, today was the first day I've been to class in 4 days. I failed to go last friday and yesterday, which was monday. I guess I'm just having a hard time with the winter break-into-winter term transition, and I'm sure that being back in Eugene is mostly to blame...seeing as class can fall pretty low on the list of things I dread these days. Going to class, I find sometimes, can be much more uplifting than staying at my place all day; the other people tend to have a more positive disposition, which happens to not quite be the case back at the appartment. Things around here can get so volatile at times, the tension makes it hard to sleep. Being drug into the ruts that other people are digging for themselves, then having them treat you like you owe them something...well, thats a rough situation to be in if you are as apathetic and lothargic as I tend to be. I hate it but I can't find any reason to do anything about it. Being smug just isn't cutting it anymore, and I've started to complain a lot about it--which I hate to do and I'm sure others hate to have to listen to.
Yesterday I was to the point where I was just sitting in the living room staring at the blue screen of the TV because I just couldn't find a reason to find a station or go do something else. It was pretty low. I feel like such a waste when I'm like that, yet usually when I'm in that state, reasons become obligations and forced actions and therefore are nothing I am about to listen to or take part in.
It's times like these in the middle of winter that make me question why I go to school, why I still talk to people and write things down when I have nothing to say to anyone about anything. Every few days I will get into something like playing the bass or the acoustic, maybe cleaning or re-arranging the furniture in my room...but when it really comes down to it, I'm not doing anything anymore and nothing ever happens.
I have grown so tired of other peoples lives that I find I have no motivation to fill up my own.
I'm going to give it about a month and a half, a fairly honest amount of time to allow something to change, and if it's still this way I'm gonna have to do something crazy. Or at least big. Like, transfer schools/move to europe/ride my bike to the east coast/punch my roomate in the face/live in the forest for a few months/join a commune/burn all my clothes/become a solipsist alcoholic/etc.
Yeah it's getting bad, or at least I can't take it much longer.
I know, I know...this is the kind of ranting that prompts those 'call the wambulance' comments but I really have nothing else to say about anything at the moment because I just don't care. It's hard right now because I'm too young to give up but too old to assume that there's definately going to be some happy ending. Hence, a stalemate.
I will try to keep posting, maybe it will help me, at least, be able to manifest up some passion or worthwhile idea to walk me through the season.
If you made it this far without navigating to another page...thanks for reading and take care.