Thanksgiving and Subsequent Musings

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Well, I'm back from the long weekend they call Thanksgiving Break. I feasted and drank til dawn every day of it. It was nice seeing some of the extended family, as odd as that may be. Being in Eugene, I don't often have the opportunity to visit with them at all...there's just no time. So it goes.
I would say the highlight of the weekend was hanging with my good friend from high school, Jessica. We went to this keggar that was thrown by some of her co-workers, drank beer and malt liquor and got to check out a post-hardcore band that was playing in the basement. All good things. To top it off, we ended the night with some good food to satisfy our stomachs which were otherwise full of alcohol and I had the pleasure of sleeping on a comfortable couch wrapped in an electric blanket. 'Twas glorious.
I will also speak of the low point of the weekend, to be fair. Actually, theres a draw between two things I could have done without: being sober at my friend Dane's party ( a very frustrating evening) and seeing my Aunt who had recently suffered from a breakdown. On second thought, reading the words on the screen as opposed to running them off in my head has made me decide seeing my Aunt was far worse than the other. She couldn't even fake a smile, she was a wreck. I like her a lot, too...which made it very hard for me to see her in her present condition. What made it worse was that people talked to her as if she were a child, whereas a year ago she was just there like everyone else. We really take our happiness for granted.
It's an odd thing, actually. I find that when I'm happy, I'm merely confused...you know, overwhelmed. When I'm depressed the thought of happiness is apalling, it really makes me sick. Yet, lately I haven't really found myself in either of those extremes, I'm always suspended somewhere in the middle. I smile because I know there's nothing for me. I'm to the point where I take pleasure in feeling lost and incomplete, and settling is now a foreign concept. I'm a drifter, I guess.
I just wish I could have been the one who fell victim to that malady, in place of my Aunt. The way I see things, I have a lot less to lose. But things are the way they are and wishing will just leave me empty and wandering.
I have been sitting here at my computer for hours wishing that the night would just be over, my work would be done and I could be asleep nestled in my bed. Where does the distraction lie? Why can't it go by faster? Time will tell, I suppose; it will sneak up on me and disarm me in the bat of an eye, like it did her. Until then I guess I'll just try to keep moving, keep my eyes open...looking for the affirmation that everything is secretly ironic and counting my blessings.
I hope you all had a good holiday and are keeping warm.