Out of my system

.

Last night, at about 2:30-3:00 am, I decided to get online and get some surfing in before I passed out. I had been drinking a bit with my pal Ingrid, relaxing and watching Requiem for a Dream when I noticed she had fallen asleep...what else was I to do?
Anyways, out of habit I checked up on one of my good friend's sites to see if he had updated since the last time I visited (earlier that evening). During the previous visit, I commented on a post which addressed Donnie's sentiment concerning the 'anti-establishment/anti-everything craze. I said that it is true in that is utterly obnoxious when silly kids go out of their way to rattle off their anti-societal feelings (especially when irrelavent to whatever is being discussed) just to let everyone know how trendy they are, to score 'scene points' and such, but that one must appriceate that being aware of the horrid state of things (ie with our current government and modern society) is far more productive than caring about silly, artificial material culture. In the post, he said something along the lines of being annoyed by how many kids are wearing Che Guevara shirts, so in my comment I stated that I would rather see some dumbass wearing a one of these shirts than rocking a Hollister shirt.
In summary, most of the comments that followed were either agreeing with what Donnie said in the post or mocking the pseudo-rebel kids. Of course, the 'today, people automatically hate whatever is cool' card was played, along with the 'if it makes you happy, there should be no problem with it' routine. Okay, so it's not so much as a routine as it is a feeble point all depending on who it's coming from.
I guess I just got frustrated. I know Donnie has a head on his shoulders and plays fair, so I ain't got no beef with him, it's just scary to critisize people for trying to be active members of their society. If they obviously don't know what their talking about, either ignore them or correct them. Just don't put them to shame! Maybe these idiots, in thier striving to come off as politically aware, will take a politics class, a philosophy class or some sociology and become truely enlightened about what they had been blathering about before. Shit, then they might actually DO something about it instead of merely giving opinions about this or that all day long. Or maybe not, but I think it's worth letting them roll with it as opposed to making them feel stupid.
Over the course of this school year, a lot of what I felt about life, our culture and the antics of our government have materialized into who I am today. Last term, following some unfortunate events concerning permanently parting ways with one of my extremely close friends, I decided to say "fuck people" for a while, and take some time to sort things out and touch bases with myself on where I was going and what the hell was going to do with myself from then on out. I mostly kept to myself; my main activities centered around music, reading, blogging, self reflection and observing what was going on in my immediate surroundings, as well as in the world in general. I came to realize a hell of a lot, more than I could even try to touch on in a single post. I have changed significantly, and lately my struggle has been coming to terms with how my life is changing regarding my relationships with others, my beliefs, my social responsibility and whether it's all worth the trouble.
So far, I have found that relationships at this age tend to cause more grief than they merit. So I guess I have been focusing my energy on ignoring all the artificial bullshit and focusing on what it real. It's a tough raquet, I must say, but as of yet I'm convinced it's been worth the energy I have put into it and it's damn good at building character.

Ah, it's nice to have that out of my system. For now, I have some heavy drinking and laughing and living to do...so I think that is all for today. I do reccomend checking out my friend Donnie's site from time to time, it's pretty sweet and he is (supposedly) coming out with a new design he has been working on for a while. Anyways, take care and try to enjoy yourself...despair is overrated.

What a day

.


Today Pope John Paul II had a flu relapse and was sent to the hospital, where he underwent a tracheotomy which, as far as we know, went successfully. He is 87, and he hasn't been doing so well lately.
I woke up early this morning to register for my courses for spring term, and while browsing through what was available I got distracted and decided to check out the top headlines for the day (I don't get the paper). I saw a headline that announced that the Pope was hospitalized and instantly got a knot in my stomach.
This feeling that washed over me, not so much of sorrow as it was a peculiar sense of distress, was nothing I would have anticipated. Of course, I was raised Catholic, so there is still a certain attachment to what the Pope stands for, but I have lost faith over the years. I guess I would fret over any 87 year old in such a condition, especially a guy as charming as John Paul II, but I think it goes beyond that.
There is so much grief in the world, and despite the Catholic church, the Pope is a symbol of faith, purity and sanctuary that inspires people to live well, it gives them something/someone to trust. It makes them smile. What a thing to lose.
Whether it was prayer, God's will or the simple fact that John is, how should I say...pretty damn hardcore...I'm glad he's still with us. Viva Giovanni Paolo II!
Also, I found out today whilst trekking through the Student Rec Center to my (kick-ass) Jeet Kune Do class, that a junior at Grant High School (which I equally love/loathe from my own ever-distant high school days in Portland) collapsed and died last night during a basketball match agaist Madison HS. I guess he was sitting on the bench when he broke down, they rushed him to the hospital and he was soon after pronounced dead. His name was Elliot Barnett and he was an aquiantence of many of my younger brothers good friends who also attend Grant. I believe he was 17.
This event, to me, was also quite disheartening considering the boy's age. After 17 years, real life begins to come into the periphery, the experiences are more tangible and understood, potential becomes evident...though he may have passed only having dealt with the artificial politics of high school and childhood (of course I, myself can't know this for certain), it is very hard to see someone go, for those who knew and loved him, at such an age. So it goes.
On a less dismal note, I am beginning to organize my plans to study abroad next year. The idea I have as of now is that I will spend fall term in Macerata, Italy, winter term in either Amsterdam or London, and possibly spring term at Simon Frasier University near Vancouver, BC in Canada. Yes, that would be more than fansastic. I also got the vibe from my mother that my parents would be all for it...so either that means they don't want to see me for a whole year or they're excited about the opportunity for me to do something they know I have wanted to do for a long while now. I'll keep my fingers crossed for the latter.
To make sure that these aspirations won't cripple my plans to successfully graduate with my dual major on time, I have decided to bite the bullet and take 20 credits this coming term. So far I am taking Philosophy of Film, Reproduction and Development (bio), Development (psych), US Politics and I'm finishing up my second year of italian. I think that should do.
Other than that, I haven't much more to share with you today...I have been researching the concept of Cascadia in light of recent topics of discussion in my Social and Political Philosophy class. In a nutshell, it is the proposition that the Pacific Northwest (namely Oregon, Washington and British Columbia, CAN) should break away and form their own little republic. Yes, I know...it is a splendid and remarkable idea, but not flawless. It's an interesting concept to ponder, and I will share my thoughts on it sometime in the near future. For now, I have bigger fish to fry. Literally.
Thanks for stopping by and, for christ'sake...take care of yourself.

No, they're lazy, George, I say we don't

guess who...

When the president talks to God
Are the conversations brief or long?
Does he ask to rape our women’s' rights
And send poor farm kids off to die?
Does God suggest an oil hike
When the president talks to God?

When the president talks to God
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute all down the line?
Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind
When the president talks to God?

When the president talks to God
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed
When the president talks to God?

When the president talks to God
I wonder which one plays the better cop
We should find some jobs. the ghetto's broke
No, they're lazy, George, I say we don't
Just give 'em more liquor stores and dirty coke
That's what God recommends

When the president talks to God
Do they drink near beer and go play golf
While they pick which countries to invade
Which Muslim souls still can be saved?
I guess god just calls a spade a spade
When the president talks to God

When the president talks to God
Does he ever think that maybe he's not?
That that voice is just inside his head
When he kneels next to the presidential bed
Does he ever smell his own bullshit
When the president talks to God?

I doubt it
I doubt it


This, my friend, is just one of the many songs that you missed last night if you weren't blessed with the opportunity to catch the Bright Eyes show last night in Portland. Of course, you may have seen them on one of their previous dates on this tour, or you may be in Seattle and you should be seeing them tonight. Otherwise, I'm sorry, maybe next time.
This was the second to last show on the I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning tour in the US, where Bright Eyes played with Neva Dinova and Jesse Sykes and the Sweet Hereafter. It was fantastic.
I showed up a little late and only caught the last two songs of Neva Dinova's set. This group,I believe, is signed to crank! records and has worked with Bright Eyes before with the release of One Jug of Wine, Two Vessels. Neva Dinova's sound is full and melodic and should be a favorite of any fan of the ambient folk wave. Check out their official website here.
After that fine set, Jesse Sykes and the Sweet Hereafter graced us with some of their pleasent sound. Previous to seeing them live, I had only heard of them. The two original band members (Jesse Sykes-guitar, voice; Phil Wandscher-guitar) hail from Seattle and started playing together in 1998. This group has an interesting, mature sound combining ambient and somewhat dark melodies with sweet, abrasive vocals crooning reflective prose in the foreground. I thoroughly enjoyed their set and when I can afford it I will surely invest in at least one of their albums. You can find out more about them here.
Then came the main event, Bright Eyes, featuring Nick White (of Tilly and the Wall) on keyboards/organ, Mike Mogis (the multitalented genius/producer of most Saddle Creek releases and many more) , Jason Boesel (of Rilo Kiley) on drums, as well as some of the regular touring players, and finally...the birthday boy-genius Conor Oberst himself! Conor reached the ripe age of 25 on the 15th which renders him, based on his own words, almost dead. I suppose I will feel the same way when I am finally 25, if I make it...
The set was, needless to say, engaging. Most all of the tracks from I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning were played, and played well, along with some older gems, namely 'A Scale, a Mirror and These Indifferent Clocks', 'Padraic My Price' and 'Bowl of Oranges'. Also, some other new songs were played, including 'When the President Talks to God', with whose lyrics I opened this post with.
The set was amazing, though Conor didn't get quite as drunk as he was the last time I saw him, and was just more proof of how captivating his music really is. Contrary to what he speaks of so sincerely in his songs, this kid has got more soul than most of us.
The only drawback was the audience itself. Tall kids with popped collars, their gitty blonde girlfriends and the everpresent counterfeit Hot Topic scenesters were everywhere, and what made them worth mentioning was the amount of rage I felt when their chittery, trying voices dominated the first two sets. Also, please tell me what part of a Bright Eyes song would prompt someone to dance like they were at Prom and Hilary Duff was playing over the speakers? Honestly.
Now, I try not to judge to quickly, and I am no goddess of the indie scene, it's just frustrating when these people disrespect the new material with botched sing-along and freak dancing and shout through thier cell-phones during the older songs because they never saw them on MTV and really have no idea what is going on. Ugh.
I am happy that Conor and Saddle Creek are making it big, namely because thier music is what has gotten them this far, not commercial exposure. I suppose I saw this coming from the start, hopefull the emo-OC craze will die down soon and true fans can enjoy their art in peace. Nonetheless, the show was worth more than every dollar and every minute spent on it and I am looking foreward to seeing them again in Tokyo and on the upcoming Digital Ash in a Digital Urn tour. For more info on Bright Eyes, go here.
Thanks for stopping by and take care.

20

. 

Today is my birthday.
2 decades.
1 more year.


Happy Valentines Day!

Cat's Haiku

Jack.

The food in my bowl
Is old, and more to the point
Contains no tuna.

So you want to play.
Will I claw at dancing string?
Your ankle's closer.


There's no dignity
In being sick - which is why
I don't tell you where.

Seeking solitude
I am locked in the closet.
For once I need you.

Tiny can, dumped in
Plastic bowl. Presentation,
One star; service: none.

Am I in your way?
You seem to have it backwards:
This pillow's taken.

Your mouth is moving;
Up and down, emitting noise.
I've lost interest.

The dog wags his tail,
Seeking approval. See mine?
Different message.

My brain: walnut-sized.
Yours: largest among primates.
Yet, who leaves for work?

Most problems can be
Ignored. The more difficult
Ones can be slept through.

My affection is conditional.
Don't stand up,
It's your lap I love.

Cats can't steal the breath
Of children. But if my tail's
Pulled again, I'll learn.

I don't mind being
Teased, any more than you mind
A skin graft or two.

So you call this thing
Your "cat carrier." I call
These my "blades of death."

Toy mice, dancing yarn
Meowing sounds. I'm convinced:
You're an idiot.


This was forewarded to me today via email, I thought it was somewhat clever and worth sharing. Cats are my idols! Welcome to my life....


Catholic Guilt and Grenadine

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust

. 

Out of respect for my parents secular beliefs and of my constant yearning for character-building ventures...I will again this year recognise and participate in the Lenten tradition of foregoing some chioce worldly vice that I in so often sinfully take part. Actually, I will be giving up a few choice vices, namefully these:

1) meat
...recently I have been trying my darndest* (I don't quite know my opinion of this term, but I'm usin' it anyways) to become a vegetarian, so naturally this one is essential. With regards for the ever-popular 'no meat on fridays' rule, I am not a cop-out...for me they will be vegan fridays. I guess we will see how that works out.
2) junk food
...basically candy, fast food (which I don't normally eat, but still should be included), chips and crackers and pretty much any other crap that could be placed in the 'munchies' catagory. This one might get tough, but I guess thats the point of it...right? I chose this because I have done versions of it before and felt very triumphant with its accomplishment. Also, these foods are in their very nature horrid, as far as my principles are concerned, and I should do anything in my power to wean myself away from them anyways.
3) talking smack
...this is the 'becoming a better person' sacrifice. I feel that I need to be more positive in my daily discourse and conversation, to people's faces and behind thier backs. I don't think that I am particularly bad (relative to some I know) about saying mean things about people directly to them or in their absence, I am speaking more about making fun of people. I am sick with sarcasm and I think taking it easier on people will force me to be more forthright about how I truely feel about things instead of using some (extrememly clever) quick witted comment in order to skate around revealing my true sentiments. I hope you knw what I mean.

So there you have it...my Lenten sacrifices. I will try to keep you updated on my fidelity to them. If you are reading this and you have a particularly interesting thing you have chosen to surrender for the season, do share! Thanks for stopping by and, as always, take care.

Catholic Guilt and Grenadine

There is no wealth but life

.

So it turns out saving money up for Tokyo is a little harder than I had prevously assumed. I have a $40 a week allowance from my student loans, which essentially is for food, that I have been just directly depositing into my savings account for the trip. Yet, with no other income (no job yet) I have found that it is a very difficult task to maintain my habits, good and bad, on no money at all. Who would have thought?
Lately I have been hanging out with a girl named Ingrid, whom has been in my italian classes on and off from the beginning of last year, and her relatively chill group of friends. It's nice to have more of a life outside this crummy, ill-dispositioned apparment, something I haven't exactly been able to enjoy for some time now. I have also been spending time with two other guys from my social and political philosophy class, whom I origionally got to know waiting for the bus, as well as (more recently) through a few late-night study sessions. The time I have spent with these people has been like a breath of fresh air, full of drinking and intellectual conversation, which is also something I haven't exactly been blessed with the past 4-5 weeks either. And I still find time to study, ahich is nice.
I apologize for not updating as soon as I had originally implied, but I had 3 hellish midterms this week and, as most of us know, simply the pressure imposed upon us during a time like this (let alone the actual studying/etc.) is enough to make someone just want to crawl in bed and sleep the stress away. Hence, while I was not updating, I was naturally laying in bed.
On top of all the studying, reading and laying around that I have been taking part in thoughout the week, my inability to cope with stress also found me in the hair salon by campus, where I got my hair cut into bangs for the first time in my life. I know what you're thinking..."wow, what a captivating story", but for me this was a big step considering I normally break out in hives at the mere thought of even getting a trim.
Oh, by the way...my birthday is a little over a week away (it's on the 14th)! I will be turing 20, which really does me no good whatsoever, but I'm looking foreward to in nonetheless. I feel I have to enjoy them while I still can...the way I see it, after this one, I only have one real birthday celebration left. After I turn 21, all subsequent birthdays are merely going to stand as reminders that time is passing by so much faster than I ever thought it could, silently taking with it everything I had ever promised myself to do and leaving me yet another year closer.
But one thing I do know, birthdays are a wonderful way, especially in my family, to get to spend time with so many people that love me and whom I value to an unfathomable degree. Plus, I willingly accept any excuse to get the hell out of Eugene with wide open arms.
Thats all I really have to say for now, I guess. If you want, you should check out my other blog Catholic Guilt and Grenadine sometime in the near future as I plan to be adding a few more movie and music...well...reviews (for lack of a better word) and probably some more mindless banter from yours truely. Thanks for stopping by, take care.