Letting Off the Happiness

life is a beach and then you die

One thing that I have grown to consistenly and genuinely despise is the concept of expectations. They are limiting, and they constantly demand definition. It's enough to make you sick. The world, society, everything and everyone has to live up to expectations and preconcieved notions, and it all has expectations of YOU. Whats worse, the fact that we take this as a given, like it is right and there is no other way to live, enables consequences. Lessons. We can no longer comfortably just be who we are, for we have too many expectations of ourselves. We pick a role and we play it. I want to be a philosopher, therefore I expect myself to do what philosophers do. I want to be a rockstar, therefore I must commit to things that aren't myself, I must fit myself into a certain mold of characteristics, mindsets and abilities. I can't just be something, I must become it. I have to conform even to be myself. Life is hard sometimes. I mean most of the time.
I think one of the more difficult things once you understand this is having to watch and endure your freinds, family, lovers, society and your own struggle with expectations, knowing that there is nothing you can do about it, you can't just accept it, only adapt to it. I have found apathy to be a fairly effective route, but only on the personal level, because the struggle still remains in others and you inevitably experience it through them.
Nobody really knows what they're doing or to what end they're doing it for. Unless, of course, it is to satisfy an expectation or standard set by somebody else, which has then been accepted. With all expectations aside, maybe there isn't anything to do. There is nowhere we truely need to be. It may sound narcissistic, but in this state, WE are something, finally. We don't become something, we just are. Ourselves. There is nothing else, until we begin to realate to the world again. Realize that you are sitting in a chair, in front of this screen, reading, possibly falling asleep...thinking about how all this is BS. Maybe you are thinking about how you want to be more like me or feel the way I feel or see things through my eyes (a very common occurence, I rule). Ah, but there you go conforming!
It's difficult.
Yet in a sense it puts things in perspective, even makes things easier.
Don't let people control you, who you are or what you are becoming.
Someone whom I hold with very high regard once wrote in a song:

"I have learned that nothing is as pressing
As the one who's pressing would like you to believe
...
And I find that life is easier when it's just a blur
With no details to confuse who or what or where I was
So when the ending comes the full regret will seem obscure"

6 points to anyone who knows who that someone is.
So, I guess the whole purpose of this entry is to say, stop worrying! Tell everyone to shut up for a second, give yourself a break. Try and appriceate who you are, not what your worth. Potential can be disabling, petty, fascist bullshit sometimes. Classification is propaganda, a way to sort us out with our worth as our weight. Don't worry about that. Don't worry about yourself. Chill. If everyone could do this, it would make my life easier anyways, and maybe we wouldn't feel so alone.