Like Snow, Like Gold

 

Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself.

Choose your future.

Choose life.

If you hadn't already guessed it, I am watching the movie Trainspotting at the moment, and what a good movie it is. It really has an interesting message if you choose to listen. I guess you can take what you will from it.
Anyways, on another note, I have been feeling so mixed up lately. Today, all day, I had the craving for hot cocoa and snowcones like it was the middle of January. Everytime I look out my front window it feels strange to me not to see orange, yellow and brown blanketing my yard. Instead, the days are long and bright and the lawn seems greener and greener everytime I look at it. The flowers are shedding thier petals and my cats are shedding all over my clean laundry. Ahh summer.
My theory on why I've been having such contradicting feelings lately, now that I've been sitting here contemplating it for a few minutes, is that I really have no expectations for this summer. Seriously. All I know is that I'm working, I'm going on the annual week-long yachting trip with the fam, and my mother and I will be hitting up Vegas sometime in August. Oh, and I finally got my Warped Tour ticket...not that I have a clue who I would be going with. Honestly, I would be content flying solo seeing as the only person with whom I share a similar taste in music with has lost their sense of God-given free will. But thats another long and tedious story I care not to share unless deemed completely neccessary.
So, other than that pathetic list, I am utterly plan-less for the summer. Hooray. The really sad part is that I am completely apathetic about it. I like my friends. I like my job. My vacation will be fun. But nothing is new and for some reason I feel out of place here. Like I have moved on.
If I'm lucky, July will come along and bring something new and exciting for me. If I'm not, at least I'll have a tan.