Yukisaki.....NIHON!!

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This weekend, as it happens, was f*ing fantastic.
I will provide for you some reasons why:
#1. I was in Portland.
#2. There was a large turnout for the Iraqi elections, which is a definite step in the right direction.
#3. A lot of people are still giving money and time to the SE Asia relief effort (at least from what I witnessed at my local parish).
#4. I finished all of my reading for the week (not normal).
#5. I now own the Japanese horror flick 'Uzumaki'. I think it's pretty cool.
#6. I went to Newport Bay Resaurant and had one of the most satisfying dinners EVER.
#7. I finally got my car back.
#8. I got to hang with Nao.
#9. I found out I am going to TOKYO, JAPAN for spring break to visit my cousin!
#@%! I also found out that BRIGHT EYES will be playing in TOKYO while I am there!!!

Yes, my friend/s (I have no hit counter)...life is good and I am smiling. My old car (a '79 240D M-Benz) is finally finished and it runs like a dream. My kickass dad overhauled and replaced the entire engine and breaks--and he even waxed it for me! He is certainly a rock-star in my book.
As for the whole Japan situation...I anticipate my experience will be something along the lines of a Takashi Miike film (if you know, you know). I have been waiting for an opportunity like this to come for so long, and not only do I get to travel--- I may even get to see my lover (Conor ;) while I'm there! I could muse about this for hours, but being lucky can be quite exhausting and a weekend of this calibur deserves to be finished off with a full sunday-night's sleep.
I have so much more to say, about a whole lot of things...so if you care to know, keep in touch.
Oyasumi Nasai!!!!

It's out there somewhere, I've seen it.

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As I was sitting outside the local bagelshop today trying to finish my reading for PHIL308 (or, more accurately, trying my best to do something productive with the two hours I had to go before my final class of the day), I had suddenly become distracted by the sudden, warming glow of the sun peeking through the clouds. I was lost in a swirl of thoughts, provoked by what I had just been reading, about how carefree our culture allows us to be, all the things it provides for us to want and how 'safe' everything seems. I was just watching and contemplating, most likely with some silly blank look on my face, when I saw a man ride by on a bike holding a peculiar envelope.
It was large and white, with a series of lines of print all scratched out with blue and black ink. It was headed by an enormous, single word in bold red letters.
This word was "PROOF".

What a lucky guy, I thought. Of all the absurdities that this world has slipped into our pockets, what a great thing to have.

No reason

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I haven't updated in so long! Or, at least not about anything new. I'm going to go on a mission and find something worth writing about...I really need to write, you see. It helps me maintain my initiative to do a number of other things, which I have no real motivation to speak of now I guess. Check back soon and hopefully I'll have something good to say. Take care.

I hope you know

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It's interesting how time passes by these days. You can almost feel it, as if existing through these moments is something we are actively taking part in. Maybe I'm just aging too quickly.
Life is such a game, I guess I'm just waiting for my turn to come around again.
I came in blind, learned that there are rules to follow.
I've learned which ones to break.
I've also learned that bluffing just makes it harder on everyone else, and leaves you with too many decisions to make.
Now, I'm just playing the cards I've been dealt.
Sitting around taking in all that idle conversation, more things that scream to be cared about.
I have started to measure my time into collections of days. The first, and least important, are monday and tuesday (and occaisionally sunday); these days skip by and barely leave a ripple on the surface of anything. Then we have wednsday and thursday, whose hours tend to hold more promising opportunity. Then like an evening the weekend eventually comes around...that friday-saturday haze.
Yeah, thats about all there is to it. It's not so bad.
I really need to start working, mix things up a bit. I've been able to keep school interesting, but it just doesn't have the flair and pizazz it once had for me. Okay, school has never had flair and pizazz...but I hope you know what I mean. Novelty is a bitch.

Maybe I Need Something to Look Foreward To

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So, today was the first day I've been to class in 4 days. I failed to go last friday and yesterday, which was monday. I guess I'm just having a hard time with the winter break-into-winter term transition, and I'm sure that being back in Eugene is mostly to blame...seeing as class can fall pretty low on the list of things I dread these days. Going to class, I find sometimes, can be much more uplifting than staying at my place all day; the other people tend to have a more positive disposition, which happens to not quite be the case back at the appartment. Things around here can get so volatile at times, the tension makes it hard to sleep. Being drug into the ruts that other people are digging for themselves, then having them treat you like you owe them something...well, thats a rough situation to be in if you are as apathetic and lothargic as I tend to be. I hate it but I can't find any reason to do anything about it. Being smug just isn't cutting it anymore, and I've started to complain a lot about it--which I hate to do and I'm sure others hate to have to listen to.
Yesterday I was to the point where I was just sitting in the living room staring at the blue screen of the TV because I just couldn't find a reason to find a station or go do something else. It was pretty low. I feel like such a waste when I'm like that, yet usually when I'm in that state, reasons become obligations and forced actions and therefore are nothing I am about to listen to or take part in.
It's times like these in the middle of winter that make me question why I go to school, why I still talk to people and write things down when I have nothing to say to anyone about anything. Every few days I will get into something like playing the bass or the acoustic, maybe cleaning or re-arranging the furniture in my room...but when it really comes down to it, I'm not doing anything anymore and nothing ever happens.
I have grown so tired of other peoples lives that I find I have no motivation to fill up my own.
I'm going to give it about a month and a half, a fairly honest amount of time to allow something to change, and if it's still this way I'm gonna have to do something crazy. Or at least big. Like, transfer schools/move to europe/ride my bike to the east coast/punch my roomate in the face/live in the forest for a few months/join a commune/burn all my clothes/become a solipsist alcoholic/etc.
Yeah it's getting bad, or at least I can't take it much longer.
I know, I know...this is the kind of ranting that prompts those 'call the wambulance' comments but I really have nothing else to say about anything at the moment because I just don't care. It's hard right now because I'm too young to give up but too old to assume that there's definately going to be some happy ending. Hence, a stalemate.
I will try to keep posting, maybe it will help me, at least, be able to manifest up some passion or worthwhile idea to walk me through the season.
If you made it this far without navigating to another page...thanks for reading and take care.

My Space

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Now that I am back to this fine town and have had some time to settle (aka shake the whole 'stay sober for the sake of the family' routine), I have noticed a few things. Like how my room is now the popular hang out for the locals and visiting guests. Well, not counting the tent (?!?) in the living room of course.

Pro: people leave their stuff* in here. *(read: functional lighters/good CDs/silver change and the occasional dead president/bass guitar complete with amp/illicit paraphernalia and related goods)

Con: people leave their shit* in here. *(read: crumbs in the bed/bad CDs/burning embers in the trash/mystery cups and wounded soldiers/unsupervised alterations involving my alarm clock’s volume setting/traces of unsound cognitive function and questionable maneuvering skills/the large and highly suspect paper bag in the corner)

Verdict: After some moments of substance-enhanced contemplation, I have decided---pause for dramatic effect-- that I will still allow my room to be open to the public...for a small, 'contextually-appropriate' price*.

*(ie. more silver change/fresh herbs/a cold one/kittens/a good joke that I haven't heard before/a valid europass/the answer to #5/something actually meaningful and important to say/etc.)

So, there. Now you know.

Back at the U

nothing new
Okay I have to make this quick because my internet connection is horrid at the moment. Wireless is overrated.
I'm back at school and things have pretty much gone back to the way they were. My car won't start, I have no way to charge my cell phone (I don't have a land line) and there are no stars in the sky at night. I can't go shopping for food because I'm to lazy to write out my checking transactions (I rely completely on online banking) and I don't know how much money I have in my account. I might have a job.
Of course, as long as I have electricity I should be okay...I finally got a record player! And with some of my Xmas money and got the Bright Eyes vinyl box set I've been wanting. Of course, I have other vinyls that I will be listening to as well but, if you know me, you know I can't go more than a day without some Conor.
The holidays were nice and I'm pretty excited about the coming term. Over the break I got in all the relaxation my mind could ask for, plus I got a little appetite back.
Oh...and my New Years resolution(s):
#1: Keep my promises, stick to my word...with others and with myself.
#2: Stay honest.
#3: Travel.
#4: Record an album of songs using the comp and my worthless equipment.
#5: Get better at making food from scratch.

Honesty is always the best policy, a promise made and not kept is a lie. I did not decide on this because I am a liar or a cheat...no, I guess I am a flake. Yeah, I suppose that's it. I am lethargic and absentminded and it doesn't really get me anywhere with anyone. I just need to start returning phone calls. That sort of thing. I figure if I can get a handle on that I can start getting stuff done for myself. No more procrastination, it's a cheap cop-out and I feel cheap giving into it so often.
Okay well I am going to end this one a little short because I fear I will get kicked off soon and lose my entry. Happy New Year everyone.

Oh....one more thing....seriously...if you have done nothing to help the situation in SE Asia get on it. Do it, do something. NOW.
Tsunami Help
WALHI
Greengrants
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